Carrie Wipfli

Since my daughter Patricia’s death, I have learned a lot; stuff that I had no idea existed, or was even possible at the time (24 years ago).

It was with my grief that I have learned how to calm my mind for rest, to cut myself a break, to hear myself think and to really listen to what I was saying, to understand what her death means to me, to trust myself again, to restore my peace, to allow my pain without it destroying me, to live again, to accept joy into my life, to be present and what it means to do so.

I have learned to tell my story.

In it, I have learned to love myself again.

I have learned:

That there is no part of a person that remains untouched after losing a loved one

It remains a part of life that is unacceptable as it stands, and at times, impossible to speak of, even when the desire to do so is overwhelming

The words to describe the loss of a loved one are so hard to find, see, speak, hear, and feel

It takes one’s breath away to even say them

I have learned:

• To find my voice is to find my way; it is especially important in grief

• That what we tell ourselves from the very start in grief forms life itself; it is in hearing what that is which is key to finding one’s own peace

• To show up for myself; grief is an unrestricted period of ‘molding’, no matter what that looks like for each person

I have learned that there is much more to it than that; there is always more going on than meets the eye. There is no way to summarize it; it is unique and universal all at once.

• It was through listening & watching that my silence proved to be most remarkable; from the silence of grief lies a reckoning of discovery

Most importantly, I have learned that no one can tell, nor hear, my story like me.

My story has extraordinary depth and meaning to me.

It is through my words that I live and love.

My story is of utmost importance.

It holds everything.

I’ve learned that this is the greatest thing that we all have in common, although to each of us it remains incredibly unique and precious in our own way